“Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day-in, day-out. Not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years. And working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
(Dr. Angela Lee Duckworth)
Growing up, success for me wasn’t typically defined by the end goal. The advice I was given by my Dad was, ‘All you can do, son, is try your best.’
And that’s what I did. I always tried my best.
Day 3 of my unmasking journey is a day I can reflect and be proud of my actions.
It was the first in-person public speaking situation where I had a choice to make – I could either run away and hide my hand again, or I could embrace who I am and show people what I’m made of.
When the moment came to stand up I was nervous, and everything that came before my time to stand up was a blur - I didn’t take any of it in.
I loved the people I worked with at Macmillan, and I’m sure the sessions before mine were great, but I have to admit that even if Albert Einstein had come back from the grave and revealed the meaning of life I wouldn’t have noticed.
I didn’t take in a single word. Not a syllable.
That’s often the way, isn’t it? If you need to make a speech it can be difficult to stay present and absorb anything that those before you are saying. When you know you’re up next, your prefrontal cortex simply packs its bags and leaves the building.
That’s why I always liked to go first.
My moment had arrived and it would have been so easy to make an excuse – to hide my hand like I’d always done – nobody would have said anything. Instead, I chose to embrace who I am. I chose to roll my sleeves up and get on with it.
When it was my time to stand up I felt vulnerable and exposed, but I was also confident in what I had to say. I knew what I had to do and it was important to me. I liked the people I was presenting to as well, I felt safe - like I belonged - and once I started I felt in my element.
I was thriving. The tension released and I began to enjoy it. I was in the flow.
It was such a contrast from previous presentations, where I was always thinking of whether people were looking at me.
Do I look strange, can they see my hand? What are they thinking? Do they think I’m stupid? What happens if they try to shake my hand afterwards?
My mind would never be fully on what I was talking about. I was never present.
I found it difficult to concentrate, which took so much more energy to cope with the demand I was putting on myself. Looking back, I must have looked so distracted.
If that resonates with you, if you’ve ever knowingly hid part of who you are whilst delivering a presentation, what did it feel like?
For me, it always felt like a tightness in my chest and like I couldn’t quite catch my breath - like walking headfirst into a strong wind.
Now, imagine what it would feel like if you were totally free to be yourself?
To concentrate totally on the job at hand.
Picture what your working week would feel like when you stop running that heavy background app.
There’s a magical transformation in this one small act that can be life changing.
No internal surveillance.
No rehearsing basic pleasantries like you’re memorising a courtroom defence.
Just you – doing the work you’re brilliant at, with your whole mind in the room.
It can release you from feelings of shame – feelings that no one should ever have to feel – feelings that I know all too well.
Dropping the mask isn’t soft; it’s the grittiest, most courageous thing you will ever do.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire career before five o’clock today.
Just find one small, performative habit – one tiny piece of camouflage – and drop ten percent of the effort.
Take your hand out of your pocket.
The room can handle who you actually are.
How You Can Work With Me
Hi, I’m Tony - let’s raise Two Fingers Up together and Stop paying the Inauthenticity Tax™. Embrace the life that you were always meant to live and be confident and happy in your own skin.
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