The Ninja Turtle Cost of 'Acting Normal'
Let’s talk about the corporate handshake. Whoever invented that tradition was an absolute sadist.
Honestly, why is it needed?
Throughout my entire career, if I ever got a sniff that a networking event was coming up, I would bring out my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle skills like it was 1992. You’d reach out to shake my hand, you’d blink, and I’d already have done a back flip out of the room. I would be gone. I’d vanish just like that.
I’m not even joking.
Of course, I know it’s funny now, but it’s important to look at the psychology beneath the joke. There is a massive difference between Shame and Embarrassment. Shame is internal - it’s feeling broken on the inside. But Embarrassment? Embarrassment is external. It's the exhausting, high-speed anxiety of managing everyone else’s reaction to you.
The Acceptance of External influence
In Positive Psychology, we call this the Acceptance of External Influence. It’s what happens when the environment demands a version of you that doesn't exist. Like when you are hiding from that handshake, or whatever it might be, you aren't 'shy.' You are experiencing a massive Cognitive Load.
Our brains are incredible supercomputers, but half of our processors are continuously busy running a program called 'Act Normal.'
And that program tends to be full of crazy glitches.
The Social Handshake
Look at a company like SAP and their ‘Autism at Work’ program. They found that neurodivergent candidates were spending so much energy trying to "act neurotypical" and navigate the ‘Social Handshake’ during interviews (in terms of eye contact, small talk, firm handshakes) that they couldn't actually demonstrate their coding or analytical brilliance.They realised that their neurodivergent talent was paying what I always refer to as Inauthenticity Tax.
So, instead, SAP changed the rules.
They stopped testing for those 'handshakes' and started testing for 'skills' in terms of project-based assessments
The result? Productivity in those departments jumped by up to 30%. And why? Because they simply stopped charging their people the tax. They stopped expecting people to ‘Act Normal’.
The Performance Gain
Your diverse talent is likely spending half their day performing for you. They are hiding behind invisible potted plants because they don't want to make you uncomfortable.
When we remove the need for that performance, we don't just get 'happier' employees. We get the other 50% of their brain back. When the tax is lifted, innovation begins.
Reference Article:
Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Baliousis, M., & Joseph, S. (2008). "The Authentic Personality: A Theoretical and Empirical Conceptualization and the Development of the Authenticity Scale." Journal of Counseling Psychology.
